Seeking Center

I'm headed back into the field after a week of Jury service and a weekend spent writing our wedding ceremony and vows. My head is all over the place, and energetically I'm a bit uncentered. I'm sure no one at all is surprised by this.

Matt and I had a nice long chat about everything from the lingering uncertainty of our dwindling 20s to the blatant and prevalent courtroom manipulations I witnessed. (Everyone wears a blue shirt on the day we go to deliberations? Really? Isn't that a little overplayed?) It was nice to have a chance to step sideways, let time slow, chat about things that don't really seem to matter and sort out a few things that really do.

The last three years have been an incredible crucible. I'm rather happy with my self that is emerging from all this stress, change, joy and open-mindedness. At the same time, I'm cognizant that I cannot accurately name the next big test or predict how I (actually, now it's "we") will weather it. I only know that it's coming, and that soon there will be a new mountain to climb and new lessons to learn.

M's going back to school mid-month, and I'm learning how to be part of a family of my own choosing. Mabon's a few weeks away, and close behind it is Samhain and our wedding. This year has gone by so quickly and yet so many big things have happened. I don't think I can sustain this crazy pace of Change for much longer, but I didn't think I could weather it at all in the first place.

I think we're going to be fine. I'd just like to figure out more of the specifics than just an abiding conviction that we'll sort it all out.