Homeward bound

I'm finally at SFO, waiting for my boarding call, so I can squeeze into a middle seat (Boarding group B, line position 60) between two weekenders heading down to warmer weather and more inviting beaches. The fog, rolling over the mountains to the west, looks like something out of Faerie--soft, downy, incorporeal and cold. It's different from the low-lying, creeping, eerily dense fog at home. It's also just the same.

I'm tired. Bone-weary. From the tips of my fingers to the bottom of my soul soles. It's been one of those whirlwind weeks--during which you become that which you were anxious about becoming, only to realize that what's done is done and there's nothing to do but accept it and keeping moving forward. Forward. There are changes coming, the same changes that have been coming all along, and I'm tired of worrying and waiting. Now that they're here I'm so tired from worrying and waiting that I don't know what to do. Good times. I'm tired. It's time for me to step up... and I'm too tired to know what to do. Except I know that I have to do something, so I did something, and hopefully it was the right thing. I hope I'm becoming the right thing, too, but we'll figure that out later.

I neglected to plan well enough to take my car in when I get home, leave it at the dealership so I can plan around picking it up tomorrow while trying to get everything in order for Myka's family to visit. Except that Myka's family cares less than mine, and mine cares less than I think, so it wouldn't have been that big of a deal. But I'm tired, and I'm not-so-secretly relieved that I can't shoe-horn my car service into an already busy weekend.

Our engagement pictures make me smile. I should be amused, or maybe annoyed, that I've seen M more recently in pictures than in person, but to open my email and see the two of us smiling and happy together was a nice counterpoint to ... The point of this paragraph is that it made me happy, not the enumeration of all the other stuff. Happy. Smiling and stupidly cute and happy. After we share them with each other, we will share them with other people. Right now I want to see the real M smile at the M pictures, and hug him while we watch the hugging picture slideshow. You all can wait a little longer. I've waited all week.

I saw him last sometime Monday morning, probably around 730. In the groggy, grouchy, resistent morning. I said goodbye already half focused on my conference call. Now I'm too tired to focus on anything other than getting home. One flight. One drive. Then smiling pictures, M, and a weekend of planning and lists that I'll deal with tomorrow. When I'm not taking my car in.

Because there are other days than Right Now, and it's okay to do too many things sometimes, rather than (too many things)+1.