Balance
...not the Talent tree

M and I had a rough weekend. It happens. It happens more at certain times of the month/quarter/year. All in all, the weekend was fine. We just lumped a lot of tense conversations into our drive to/from Long Beach.

We're currently beating our heads against the wall over the Holidays. This year's holidays are pretty well scheduled out... but M resents this busy and hostile calendar-bound occupation of his vacation time. And I, in turn, resent his resentment, as it's obvious to me that we have too many distinct family groupings in our combined family trees to have anything resembling an unplanned, nonchalant, whimsy-driven winter.

Part of this is that we have exponentially more family than the traditional couple with "his parents" and "her parents." We've got his Dad, his Mom, her Dad, her Mom... and, for fun, my Mom's parents are divorced, too. (But her Mom is crazy, so we don't visit very often.)

Another part is that they're all in So Cal, so distance is no excuse.

Yet another is that M prefers small, quiet, intimate gatherings pretty much to the exclusion of all other types of gatherings. "Small," and "quiet" next to never apply to my family. And while I prefer intimate gatherings with close friends, larger less personal parties are more than fine when it comes to acquaintances and/or family members with whom I have little in common.

When it comes to large groups, M says "Why bother?" And yet, as our lives get busier and more far-flung, it's increasingly the only way that I get to see some friends or family members.

We're no closer to an answer after this weekend, but at least we're aware of the impasse. The Holidays have been driving me crazy for a decade, and I used to look forward to having my boyfriend/husband's family as an excuse for simplifying my calendar. I forgot to consider what would happen if I found someone with a many-branched family shrubbery like my own. Rather than simplifying the Holidays, we've compounded them.